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2009年考研英语写作指导及范文(一)

考研教育网论坛   2008-11-20 08:36 【 】【我要纠错

  For this part, you are allowed to write a short essay. You should write at least 150 words based on the chart and outline given below:

  1. 近十年来X市越来越多的人选择出境旅游

  2. 出现这种现象的原因

  3. 这种现象可能产生的影响

  原文

  Traveling abroad

  The number of people in X city who prefer traveling abroad has been growing larger and larger in the past 10 years. In 1995 the number was only more than 10,000 and it grew to about 40,000 in 2000. But it changed greatly to almost 130,000 in 2005.

  I think one of the reasons for the changes may be the developing economy. Since people make more money now, they can afford for such a traveling. And then they are becoming more and more willing to study more about the world. Traveling abroad can help to broaden their horizons to achieve the goal. It can also provide a different scene abroad from the ones at home. The last reason is that people want to relax themselves and live a better life.

  What effects can it bring about?On one hand, it can make the city more beautiful. People get a lot from traveling abroad and can give suggestion on the city's construction. It can also make foreigners know more about the city and give the city more chance. On the other hand, if more people travel abroad, it will be harmful to the local traveling companies.

  In a way, since every matter has its two sides, we must consider it carefully

  点评

  这篇作文写得还可以,达到大学英语六级写作的起码要求。考试指令要求的几个方面都写到了,表达思想比较清楚,文字亦基本连贯。该考生对语法结构的掌握比较好,通篇没有大的语法错误。缺点是作者的思维不够严密,有些地方语言表达比较模糊,建议该考生下笔之前先把问题想清楚,写的时候注意上下文的逻辑关系,尽量多用具体的、特定的词。下面是几点修改意见。

  1. 第一段第二句In 1995 the number was only more than 10,000 and it grew to about 40,000 in 2000建议改为修改后的文章中的形式。more than 10,000给读者的印象是作者要表达多的意思,而在这个上下文中,显然10,000与其后的增长来比是少而不是多。第三句But it changed greatly to almost 130,000建议改为But it rose sharply to almost 130000 in 2005. Change意为变化,改为rose sharply (猛增),作者的观点就变得鲜明了。

  2. 第二段第二句中的they can afford for such a traveling可改为they can afford such a luxury. afford为及物动词,直接接宾语,例如:I'm so busy, I can rarely afford the luxury of a restful weekend. 另外,traveling是个动名词,一般不可数,因此要改成 such a tour, 或更加鲜明一点,改成such a luxury.

  3. 第二段第三句And then they are becoming more and more willing to study more about the world可以改为And with the opening up of China, they are becoming more eager to learn about the outside world. Study意为学习、研究,而这里是想了解,该用 learn about. 接下去第四和第五句Traveling abroad can help to broaden their horizons to achieve the goal. It can also provide a different scene abroad from the ones at home. 从逻辑上来讲,先看,才能长见识,扩大视野,所以两句先后次序应该颠倒一下。另外,第二句本身也令人费解,故改为Traveling abroad gives them a chance to see the world and thus broaden their horizons.

  4. 第三段第二、三句It can make the city more beautiful. People get a lot from traveling abroad and can give suggestion on the city's construction建议改为修改后的文章中的形式,因为原文前后逻辑颠倒,令人费解。接下去的两句It can also make foreigners know more about the city and give the city more chance可以改为People going abroad can also tell foreigners more about their own city and help attract foreign investment. give the city more chance意思不明确。

  5. 最后一段In a way, since every matter has its two sides, we must consider it carefully可以改为Everything has two sides. So, we should make the best of travel abroad while trying to minimize the bad effects. 这样意思更加明确一些。

  修改后的文章

  Traveling abroad

  The number of people in X city who prefer traveling abroad has grown in the past 10 years. In 1995 it was only 10,000 or so and in 2000 it grew to about 40,000. But it rose sharply to almost 130,000 in 2005.

  I think one of the reasons for the increase is the rapidly developing economy. Since people make more money now, they can afford such a luxury. And with the opening up of China, they are becoming more eager to learn about the outside world. Traveling abroad gives them a chance to see the world and thus broaden their horizons. The last reason is that people want to relax and live a better life.

  What effects can this bring about?People learn a lot from traveling abroad and when they come back they can give suggestions for their city's construction and on how to make it more beautiful. People going abroad can also tell foreigners more about their own city and help attract foreign investment. However, if more people travel abroad, it will also harm the local travel industry.

  Everything has two sides. So, we should make the best of travel abroad while trying to minimize the bad effects.

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